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Toska, My Friend, Farewell

by O Memorie

/
1.
The haziness of an eyelid dropping slightly for the sun, The steadiness in the morning before sordid deeds are yet done, The garden looks like what you'd see when age and beauty become one, I'll drink what you'll drink, Eyes peeled for the moment I lose focus and fall short, All sorts of times new roman set in stone can still distort, But damned if I'm not a dreamer, a late redeemer early to port, And I'll see what you'll see, You could really use me, Done with all the famous fighting fit for writing perfect prose, Done with longstanding artforms bar the dark, stormy nights, I suppose, And I'll drink what you'll drink, I'll hear what you think of this all, We'll love what we are, And we will go far, And I'll be where you'll be, You could really use me, I'll do what you do, I will always choose you.
2.
B Movie 04:12
Knee jerk redemption, I need to free tension faster than fast, We worry too much to count cards, Need I remind you, No reason to find who you knew you were, Last year or last month or even last night, Make up your mind about lunch, We're all in a B movie anyway, Go with your gunt and a hunch, We're all in a B movie anyway, Where'd all the time go, Well, I know what I know but that's not enough, I'll leave it all with kindest regards, We worry too much to count cards, I fear that it's not in the cards, For a body to walk through uncalibrated, And learn how to live uncelebrated, It counts just to gather dust, We're all in a B movie anyway, Give yourself all of your trust, We're all in a B movie anyway, We're all in a B movie anyway, We're all in a B movie anyway, Make up your mind about lunch, We're all in a B movie anyway, Go with your gut and a hunch, We're all in a B movie anyway, We're all in a B movie anyway, We're all in a B movie anyway,
3.
Feature Film 05:07
You will know, it will always show, In between your favorite scene, Stood mirrored and echoed, you send yourself offscreen, To the bathroom tiles and the paper piles, Miles out from the prologue recalling where you've been, There is no beginning, No losing and no winning, Underneath this coral reef, In bold, age-old, a tale of love and grief, If memory serves it, you'll never deserve it, Made all too clear from your utter disbelief, This story has no ending, Only mysteries extending, You will know, You will know, You will know, When you've been changed for the better, You'll know, You will know, You will know, It will always show, Far above the way we love, Lives one long timeline and quandaries thereof, In the passing years, we'll leave our fears, But never leave our feature film together, The oldest story ever, What a thing to go through, And always will I know you.
4.
Where the avenue meets the trees Over the gardens undone Thinking alone, Heracles Feels his night now begun Maple to park, through the crowd Playing bells and it smells of parades The boy's an anomaly, born in a cloud But he's a lover before he's afraid
5.
Living On 04:42
Petrichor, The tables turn for all of us, And say it once more, I will never feel the same way twice, It's heaven's door, Opening just slightly right before the fallen rain, Canopy, Can it be that we found shelter, That to me is living proof of trust in this, Like trees in mist, Clouds below me and grass above me, Now you know me, you can love, Found as a broken bottle, message gone, But I'm filled with light in your hands, All is well, living on, Petrichor, Wet petals fall like silver, On a second floor, On some bright journey of learning and returning, To the other travel on and, Sky below and grass above me, Now you know me, you can love me, Found in the ruins of the Parthenon, But I'm filled with warmth in your hands, All is well, living on.
6.
Weekend's come and I don't know what to do with my time, Now that I'm working for myself, Far too young to be old enough to take it this hard, And be this scarred, what about everyone else? At the point of contact, I can only look back, And say I don't know how I made it this far, Opened my door to barely ajar, And how do you make a planet a star? Weekend's come and I don't know what to do with my time, Now that I'm working for myself.
7.
Untethered by time’s wicked torment You’re meant to weather the wild storm sent north and if ever I wish to lie dormant I’ll know to look for you You give me eyes, kind eyes still searching For faith like a bluebird proud and perching Worse things have come from bows and curtsies I look for you Infected and destitute, I’ve defected from the institute Into suits and moral absolutes And if I ever wish to be myself again I’ll know to look for you I’ll eat and gather my health again Just know I’ll look for you (I look for you, I look for you) I look for you across my mattress Examine the parts real close like an actress Lattice looking like a cotton wool atlas I look for you I leave myself inside it Hot springs still sing in silence While it’s work to keep my eyelids from moving onwards I look for you I look for you beneath the water And in the blue I’ll see our daughter She thought her father wanted to abort her She looks like you I leave myself at the surface Floating on while I battle with worthlessness I know you don’t deserve this Untethered by time’s wicked torment You’re meant to weather the wild storm sent north And if I ever discover where it all went I’ll find you.
8.
I, An Artist 03:48
I'm all choked up and sentimental nowadays No place like home to make you miss old mistakes If I didn't have a fear before then I sure do now The stage is lit, the crowd's applauding take a bow Follow me, form a line, to a world where we are proud If they ask, I will say, I have come to live out loud I won't hide my face, it's the first thing that I knew Any fall from grace is another point of view Follow me, form a line, to a world where we are proud If they ask, I will say, I have come to live out loud
9.
Only If Only 02:26
Only if you want me will I be there, I don't have to beg you or try to make you care, Only if you like me will I appear, I've got my own life here but I'm always near, Only if you love me will I love you too, If only you loved me, I wouldn't have to wait for you.
10.
Nest 03:53
Mud over mud, twig over twig, And we built our nest, way up here on the ground, Days making years with nowhere left to dig, But up through the air to crawl into the clouds, Right at this time, I'm in your heart, With all I possess for a life with you around.

about

A note from O Memorie:

"I'm delighted to present O Memorie's latest LP, ’Toska, My Friend, Farewell’. Written and recorded in Brooklyn, New York over the span of two years, it's a rediscovery of oneself from the aching clutches of longing with nothing to long for.

It's been a revelatory and beautiful struggle creating this music, inspired by the music I've absorbed from indigenous Taiwanese choirs to outtakes of The Beachboys' Pet Sounds.

Along the way, I found that my "toska" – in Russian, my spiritual anguish and melancholia – had since carried itself through to progress. I consider the album a farewell to the unspoken friend I kept with me for so long and have been watching fade into the distance. I suppose, most of all, it's a prayer to keep me safe. I hope it brings you somewhere safe too."

credits

released January 14, 2022

Music & Lyrics: Joseph Ruddleston
Voice: Yanise Cabrera
Synths & Guitar: Carlos Mario Boscio
Mixing: Eric Stogner

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O Memorie Brooklyn, New York

"O Memorie is at times dark and haunting as it is bright and up-lifting. The songs are thought provoking and powerful. One need not wait until the dead of night to listen to them, as they sound just as good on an overcast afternoon." Divide & Conquer Music ... more

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